When We Were So Alive
by DarthRevanShepard
Summary: Mark Robson's Imperial Series. Shalidar contemplates about the good old days... and the tragedy that ended it all. Shalidar/Femke Shemke drabble.


Well I know this fic probably won't have a lot of people reading or reviewing it but I've enjoyed writing it and will enjoy re-reading it to myself during days of boredom. This is a fanfic written for Mark Robson's Impreial Series and is a Shalidar/Femke (Or Shemke as I have decided to dub it) drabble-type-thingy. So if anyone is actually reading this then enjoy.

* * *

_Darkness. My home is among the darkness, it always has been and always will be. My world of darkness and deception, ever since we met I have lied to you and cheated you so many times over that I have lost count. I lied to keep you close, so that you wouldn't see the monster inside and run away like so many others. I wore a mask around you so that you would be close to me yet never see me for what I really was._

_For one simple reason, I kept you close to my stony heart._

_You brought warmth to it's unbeating core._

_You shined a light into the darkness so that I could see the path I walked clearly. You are my light..._

_"Femke." How easily your name slips past my lips. It shouldn't be so simple to speak your name, I don't deserve the right to let it roll off my tongue. I feel a small tear slide down my dirty covered face but quickly wipe it away. I will not cry, that is weak... do you cry over me? I shake my head of that thought, laughing solemnly. Of course you don't, it has already been a year since I left you behind, your strong, your beautiful, you have moved on._

_That much is clear when I see **him** with you. That young legionare, Reynik, who has conquered your heart that I thought I had taken..._

_No, that's not right. You are not mine, you never truely were. It was always hard to have any relationship in our line of work, being spies gave us very little time to interact with anyone. It was only when all the others had long since passed away that we got to know each other, well as much as I could reveal. It was hard to keep my mask from slipping when you would try to worm you're way into my life, and now you have, if only it had not ended up like this._

_Exactly one year ago our master and 'father', Lord Fernand, came to me and told me that we were close to being found out, that my life as an assassin was close to being revealed._

_I 'killed' him that very night, I felt guilt as I used the knife that had killed so many nameless faces on the one who tried to tame the beast, the first to show me kindness and offer me a home. That guilt, however, was nothing compared to when you caught me, knife and hands covered in crimson life-force. I had reached out to comfort you and you had recoiled in digust, eyes shining with shock, fear and worst of all **hate**. In a way I was happy that you hated me, it made it easier for you to forget me and move on, to forget all that we had felt for each other._

_The things that I still feel..._

.x-

"Brother Dragon." Shalidar instantly snapped out of his thoughts as he stared at the small fire in his guild quarters.

"Yes, Guildmaster?" He chose not to turn around to face the cloaked and hooded figure standing in the doorway of his room, instead continueing to stare at the flickering orange flames. The Guildmaster pulled down his hood to reveal his wrinkled face etched with worry and his short grey hair cut into a standard military style.

"I'm... worried about you, Dragon. You have not come out of your room for any of the meals, nor have you taken any contracts." The Guildmaster knew the reason behind the young assassin's actions, yet he felt the need to hear Shalidar admit it.

Shalidar continued to stare solemnly at the licking flames before shaking his head, strands of blonde hair falling over his dark blue eyes. "Nothing is wrong Guildmaster, I'm simply not feeling up to eating or killing anyone this night." _My silent promise to you_. He added in his head as he heard the older man sigh before exiting the room with a soft click from the door. "I will not kill on this night, not on the night when you first saw me for what I really was." He muttered to himself, feeling self pity wash over him before being quickly replaced by guilt. He had no right to feel pity for himself.

"One day I will change for you. I'll leave this behind, I promise you." Shalidar smiled to himself as he imagined going back to how it all used to be, just them, and no one else, always and forever.

* * *

_When we get home I know we wont be home at all  
This place we live  
It is not where we belong  
And I miss who we were  
And the town we could call our own  
Going back to get away after everything has changed  
Everything has changed_

So we stand here now  
And no one knows us at all  
Iwont get used to this  
I wont get used to being gone  
And going back wont feel the same if we arent staying  
And going back to get away after everything has changed  
Everything has changed

It's taking up our time again  
Go back we cant, go back at all  
It's taking up our time again  
go back we cant, go back at all

It's taking up our time

Cause you remind me of a time  
When we were so alive  
Do you remember that?  
Do you remember that?

Listened to this song while writing this small drabble, it's Franklin by Paramore and it's a really good song, so beautiful. Anyway please review, if you do you get free cookies!


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